r.i.p.

*this post is dedicated to my pals, brigitte and kamin. both of you girls are alive to me. :)


I often find myself right in the middle of a tangent. I will "get on something" and ride the life out of it. Take for example the time I infused every single conversation I had with the "finger quotes." My mother HATED that. And I hearted it. Hearting things. That was really popular with me last summer. Making up song lyrics...I'm still coasting through that tangent. I don't forsee it ending anytime soon. But my latest tangent is alive and kicking. It is saying, "that is dead to me."

Dead to me. What does it mean? It simply means, "I'm over it." As I was teaching a coupon class a few weeks ago, I shared that Wal-Mart is "dead to me." Much to my surprise (and enjoyment, I must admit) I saw this quote on several FB pages. Let me explain what I mean. Is Wal-Mart convenient? You bet it is. But I have broken free of my coccoon of ignorance as far as Wal-Mart is concerned. They are trying to take over the world. AND WE ARE LETTING THEM! I say NO MORE! I don't HAVE to "just run in to grab a few things bc Wal-Mart is so cheap." NO THEY AREN'T! If you take a little time and shop with coupons, you'll quickly see how un-cheap Wal-Mart really is. They are banking on our a. ignorance to this matter, and b. laziness. NO MORE! Now before my vast audience dies a collective death, let me clarify a few things. Do I still shop at Wal-Mart? YES. I even buy some groceries there (only with coupons and super great deals though). BUT, I refuse to do my "main grocery shopping" there, and I refuse to fall victim to their top secret master plan of world dominance anymore. Thus...they are dead to me. And you know what? They're not alone. Here are some other things that as of today, June 17, 2010 are dead to me.

1. Oprah. DEAD TO ME. Oprah, with her "John Tra-VOL-tahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" and her glass of water with a crystal straw in it. I used to be a full-fledged member of the "I heart Oprah" cult. NO MORE! I am so over Oprah. Now I know that to some of you I am speaking blasphemy, and I apologize for offending you. However, I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE FOR MY UTTER DISLIKE OF OPRAH. Who does she think she is? I'm just tired of her "I have arrived, I am better than all of you mere mortals" attitude. Her new age, feel-good, "The Secret" crap. "Read my books." No thanks Oprah. I'll choose my own. "Find your inner light." Nah. I have Jesus. He's my Savior...not YOU. You are dead to me.

Now I imagine that her minions of secret service people have now flagged my blog for daring to speak against her, and they are probably watching me from the skies. Whatever. Unless I get a personal invitation to be an audience member on one of her "Oprah's Favorite Things" episodes...she's still DTM.

2. Home Phones. 672-7067, you were good while you lasted. We had a nice 13 year run. Now, you are dead to me. I will admit...this one was hard to release. Unplugging the life support was painful and excruciatingly difficult. Could we live w/o a home phone? What would people think? I must thank my pal Amanda Campbell for seeing me through this difficult time. She too has a "dead" home phone, and she told me that we in fact would survive without a land line. Looking back now...I wonder why we didn't do it sooner. Why were we paying $80+ a month when we BOTH have cell phones that we use for the majority of our phone-talking? We didn't use our home phone for Internet service; we were basically throwing away that money each month. NO MORE. Dead to me. The saddest part is knowing that we are now dead to the phone book. Much like Navin Johnson from "The Jerk"...I lived for the day that the new phone book would arrive. I would hastily flip the pages until I found us, "Shawn and Amy Martin." Then, I'd look up all of our family and friends. Silly? Maybe to you. It was wholesome fun to me, and I loved it. Now...it is dead to me. Along with my home phone line.

3. Capri-Suns. Um, yeah. Did you see the FB post about what that lady in Florida found in her child's Capri-Sun? And before you go off to Snopes to prove me wrong...it is totally legit. Kraft even released a reply. Their reply, "Don't worry. It's just mold." Sorry Kraft...not good enough. I don't want mold in my fruit-flavored juice. And I am SO not buying your lies. That is not mold. It looks like flesh to me. Whatever it is...I don't want it in my boys' drinks. So you, sweet Capri-Suns, are dead to me. And to my house as well.

4. Paying full price for groceries. Yes, I am a couponing FIEND. I've heard it all. "I don't have time to do coupons." Yeah, I have all the time in the world. Life is easy on Farmingdale Road. I MAKE TIME! Is it work? You better believe it is. But have you tried to feed 3 growing boys lately? I rest my case. Couponing is actually fun, it's like a game to me. While Wal-Mart is dead to me, Publix is my new home away from home. They are a couponers BFF. I will NEVER pay full price for a box of cereal again, when I now know I can get it for $1 a box. There are no shortcuts, there is no easy way. But if you are serious about saving money like I am...couponing is the way to go. And if you aren't serious...can I have your coupons?

That's all for now. I'm sure that I will think of more things that are dead to me. Until then - I have 3 wonderful LIVELY, full of life, alive and kicking boys who are wanting to go swimming. Well, only 1 of them can swim today, the other 2 have All-Stars tonight. So they will only play darts.

Until we meet again, RIP Wal-Mart, Oprah, home phones, Capri-Suns, and paying full price for groceries. It was good while it lasted, but you are all dead to me.