Sunday, May 9, 2010

Crooked Things

What were you doing yesterday? Me...well I was on the speaking circuit. Oh how I love to say that. I was at my 3rd "official" booking as far as speaking goes. (as opposed to what? dancing?) :) Seriously, about a month ago, our sweet former pastor called and asked me if I would consider sharing my testimony at the Mother-Daughter Brunch at his church. I gladly said yes. Without even thinking. Some people might say, "How can you get up and speak? I'd be so nervous." Well...once you've lived a miracle like I have - you can't help but talk about it.

Shawn and I married in 1997 and we had plans. We planned to be married for 2 or 3 years, then to have a baby. I know of many people who make such plans and see them come to perfect fruition. That must be really comforting, really easy. I wouldn't know. We tried "without medical intervention" for about a year and a half. Then, we were sent to "the specialists." There, we were met with the kindest, sweetest doctors and nurses. And not so sweet news. Several diagnoses. Even more tears. Clomid, Lupron injections, Follistem injections, Progesterone name it - we did it. Inseminations...Jon and Kate did 1 and got their sextuplets. We did 7 and got nothing.

All the while, every single ONE of our friends were having babies. We were "Uncle Shawn and Aunt Amy." While all of our friends brought their children to the birthday parties of others...we came alone. Year after year. I began to resent those parties. Mother's Day...ugh. It was torture. All the Mothers in church would stand up to be recognized. All but me. Along with all the teenagers...I was the lone female still seated. I. hated. it.

We bargained with God. We would raise our baby in a Christian home. We would do everything "right." We just wanted a baby. Finally, God showed me something. What I wanted...the yearning in my heart wasn't for "a baby" exactly. I didn't just want a baby. I wanted to be a mother.

Every day, every single day I had the same verse that I would say to myself. Over. and. OVER. "Now unto HIM who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all we could ask or think..." I probably said it at least 10x per day. That's the thing about God's is powerful.

Little did we know that God wasn't holding back anything from us. He wasn't ignoring our prayer for a baby. He saw our crooked path to parenthood, and He fashioned it just that way. Because around one of those curves...He had 2 sweet little boys waiting for us. Just for us. And what we didn't realize was that we were waiting for them.

So instead of getting "the baby" that I thought I wanted...I got 3 miracle boys. Not 1. Not 2. 3. At one time. If that isn't "exceedingly, abundantly above all I could ask or think" then I don't know what is.

I look back now and realized that God could've granted my prayer and given me a baby *poof* right when I first asked for one. But if He had...I would've missed out on Keith and Zack. My life would be incomplete.

I thought I had it all figured out. I had my plan, I had my path chosen out. I didn't envision any curves, any crooked roads, any delays. Along the way as we were waiting...waiting for SO long, I felt so alone. I felt like Solomon when he said, "What is crooked cannot be made straight, and what is lacking cannot be numbered." I thought I was lost on that crooked path, and I felt like the weight and depth of my emptiness was too great to fathom.

Little did I know.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways," says the Lord. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8& 9

You know that Rascal Flatts song "God Blessed the Broken Road"
He did. He made our road to our boys broken, curvy, and crooked. And He blessed it. Solomon said something else about crooked roads. And I'm almost positive he could've written it just for me.

"Consider the works of God; for who can make straight what HE has made crooked?" Ecc. 7:13

The shortest distance between 2 points is a straight line.'s the crooked lines that produce the most beautiful pictures.

Today. Every day...I am so thankful for my crooked road.